kansas city: day 4

alright. so second day of ihop.

so. like. today i have a testimony.
it might just be a typical christian testimony. but i want to believe that it is my testimony.

well. startin with the last two years of my life. the last two years of my life was kinda hard with dad and church and spiritual stuff. like. every since my dad started my church. i thought i lost my dad to God. i felt as if like God took my dad away from me and put him in church. all he did was church stuff. the little things that he did for me to make me happy they all went away. so i had like a grudge against God and i hated him. so i never made a sincere prayer in the last two years.

so like today. i really hated bein here. and i got super bored. and i decided to go out.
minyoung gav me a call (: and i picked up and like we talked for a bit. she really made my day. my day was really long and draggy and i was hating it. well thankyou minyoung. so like. we were just talkin about some stuff. and i was slowly realizin some things. and like after we hung up. i just took a seat by this big glass window. and i decided to call john cus i was bored. and we talked for a lil bit. but he hung up. well it was better than nothing and i liked it. then i just looked outside. and there were like pretty lights on the cars and the building. and i wanted to like reach out it and touch it. but like i realized there was a window between us that was clear. and like i couldnt do that. which sounds really lame. i dont know what i was thinking. but anyway. so like. i had like something. something popped up into my mind. and i realized that this was kinda like my life. i saw God's glory and beauty right in front of me. it was right there before my eyes for the past two years. but everytime i tried to pray i would hit a wall like this glass window. i wouldnt be able to pray and reach Gods glory. i think i really realized this today. i wanted things to change. i wanted to come back. and i called my mom. and when i called her i felt really heavy. and i asked her to pray for me before i hung up. and like i started crying. i dont know why. i had tears in my eyes and they fell one by one. and like i just kinda kept looking out the window to the lights and tried to talk with God. well after awhile i decided that like i should go back inside to the conference.

well i went back inside. and like i didnt really feel anything through the sermon. i was bored. but like when people started prayin i went out into the aisle. and like i began praying. something that was so hard for me the past two years just started workin again. i didnt hit a wall this time. i really felt that someone was listening. it felt really good to be prayin again. while i was praying this man came up to me randomly. he was sittin in the row behind me and asked if he could pray for me. the funny thing is he looked liked jesus xD anyway. so like. he started to pray. and he began talkin about how God is pleased that i am finally bak to jesus now. how in the world does he know that? i was really shocked. and he told me like God is really happy right now. and like hes pleased and never diasppointed me. for the past two years. all the words of sunday school teachers and pastors i ignored. but his words seemed sincere. they made sense. i never met this man before though. and he told me God had a big grim smile on his face and was happy to see me back. this really touched my heart and i felt really good. after he prayed for me. i felt really joyful& happy. something was back in me. like life was back in me. this might all sound cliche. but its true to me. sincere. and like i think ive been gone from God to long i forgot about his joy. i couldnt start smiling. i was like laughin and i really couldnt stop smiling. i tried to stop but the smile came right bak. i really felt bak into the heart of worship after being astray for two years. this joy was so good. i wish i had it with me all the time. like carry it in my pocket. well as worship was ending. i asked the man that prayed for me for a hug. and he gave me a hug. and i really felt good.

well this is my testimony& very sincere.




i just want to say thankyou so much to the people who really helped me out. without them i wouldnt be able to be bak where i longed for the past two years. and like im so thankful to have these people who care for me. and would talk to me although im like a thousand miles away. or how many miles it is. whether there in a good mood or bad mood or just whenever. thank you guys.

God. mom. girl. bestfriend. theotherbestfriend.
love you guys

--update
since you guys insist. it was like 1 in the morning here. and i was super tired and writing in the dark. so like i just did whatever with the order. so i changed the order now that i am awake. and i forgot to put someone up. how can i forget? ahahaha